


What the heart forgot

by Sternenzauber



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Corporal Punishment, Hinted sexual abuse, Humiliation, Medication, Mind Manipulation, Mutilation, Torment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 17:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16897116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sternenzauber/pseuds/Sternenzauber
Summary: Rick and the others are being kept away from the world. For worse. Negan has free reign to torment them.





	What the heart forgot

**Author's Note:**

> I dont know why I even wrote this

„Please, …please I need to see my son…“  
„We went over this again and again, Rick Grimes. You dont have a son. You never had. You really are making backward progress, I will have to give you a higher dosage.“  
Rick flinched when warden Negan touched his shoulder.   
He was pretty sure he remembered the man hitting him, but he wasnt quite sure when that might have occured. He sure as hell wasnt going to ask. Negan thought he was as mad as a hatter allready anyway.  
„Now. Will you be good and eat your breakfast, or do I have to restrain you again?“  
„Please dont…please dont. I m pliant, I didnt do anything, I wont do anything, please…“  
Negan chuckled. „Oh please, please, please. When I come back from my round, I want that gone“, he held a plate with scrambled eggs out to Rick. „And I know that my Rick will eat it without fuss. Because my Rick is a good boy, isnt he. Isnt he?!“  
„Yes…“  
„Yes, what?“  
„Yes, sir.“  
Negan smiled. „If you are good, I will sit with you before lunch. You can tell me all about your sweet little apocalypse then, right?“  
Rick nodded. Negan tilted his head up and made him look into his eyes.  
„You know what happens if you are bad, right Rick?“  
Automatically Ricks teeth started clattering.  
„And you dont want that, dont you Rick?“  
Rick shoke his head no, grabbed Negans hand and rolled himself into a ball.  
„Thought so. You are so clever, Rick. You dont want me taking your blanket and your clothes away. You know you can get sick in the cold and you dont want that. Right?“  
Nodding eagerly, Rick curled himself around Negans hand even tighter.  
Smiling evily Negan ran his fingers through Ricks hair. „Do you remember your first days here? You were so unruly I had to beat you three times a day.“  
Rick flinched thinking about it.  
„You know sometimes I miss it. No, stupid, not the beatings itself, I miss comforting you. Do you remember? You would hug me around the waist, burry your head in my stomach and I would run my fingers through your hair. You probably dont remember. You might have supressed it all. Its allright.“  
Carefully as not to startle the warden and make him lash out, Rick got down on his knees and hugged him around the waist.  
„Please, sir…  
„I m back in half an hour. I want that gone. No fuss, or else…“

Negan locked Ricks door and went on to his next patients.  
„I brought you a new set of clothes for your baby, Margareth. You can have them if you let me wash you today.“  
The young woman looked at him with big frightened eyes, but then nodded. She craddled a babydoll to her chest protectivly.  
„Of course you can take your little Hershel with you. A mother never leaves her baby, does she?“ Negan let her walk ahead of himself, and guided her gently to the showers.  
Maggie was an easy case. She would let Negan do anything he wanted, as long as she had her doll. Negan had taken it away once or twice for an hour, as punishment when she had refused to eat. It had gone downhill pretty quickly. She had become hysterical.  
The reward system worked well on Maggie. „Do this, let me do this, then you get something for your baby.“ Done. All she cared about was the baby. In the beginning, Negan had seen her hiding food for the doll.  
Absentminded Negan gently stroked Maggies hair. „Good girl, Margareth. Will you let me hold him, while you take a shower?“  
„I…I..w..ww..want Miss Regina or Miss Arat…“  
„They are both busy at the moment, so we shower now.“  
When she was kneeling on the tiles of the shower, the hot water raining down on her Negans day couldnt get any better.  
He had to help her get dressed again. Her psyche had shut her down when she had entered the shower. He couldnt tell if the moisture on her face were tears or driplets from the shower. Negan knew it was only natural. How much humiliation could a person take after all?  
Next in line for breakfast was Paul Rovia. Negan changed his IV- bottle. A calming medication was given to him around the clock. Dutifully Negan sat with him too for half an hour. He read to him, most of the time. Books about Kung- Fu.

Carol and Kind Ezekiel lived in cells next to each other. Negan heared them whispering to each other from time to time. When he caught them doing that, they both had to serve a day and a night in total darkness. They still kept on whispering. Negan never understood what they were talking. Something about tigers. 

„Hey there, Ricky. Were you a good boy for me? Did you eat?“  
Rick tore his gaze away from the window, he smiled when he recognized ward Negan and he came over to him, got down on his knees and hugged him.  
„Good boy. Are you ready for our hour of questions? You know the rules. One question for me, one question for you.“

„When can I go home, please sir?“  
Rick had learned pretty early that there better be a „please“ and a title somewhere in the question.  
„When you are better.“  
„When will…“  
„Aaa, my turn, you know the rules, Rick.“  
He flinched when he receivd a slap on the wrist. Ward Negan was quick with physical reprimands.  
„What did you dream last night?“  
„I cant remember.“  
Chuckeling ward Negan got up from his chair and started playing with his baseballbat.   
„You know the rules, Rick. You, me and only the truth.“  
„I dreamed about my son.“  
„Cute. What was the dream about?“  
„He was just standing there. My Carl, my boy…“  
„Rick, you do realize that was only just a dream, right? You do know that isnt real?“  
„He was talking to me…he said he needed help…“  
„Allright, you are getting upset…“  
„Please, tell me where he is…“  
Negan came closer.   
„You dont have a son, Rick.“  
„I…“  
Negan pressed an accupressurepoint on Ricks hand until the man collapsed.

The next on his list was Sasha. It was time for her cup of water for the day. He kept the woman so dehydrated that she couldnt do much else but rest.  
„Say thank you.“  
She was docile most of time. Gratefull for Negans attentions. His attentions meant water.

Negan finished his round with the two patients in the cellar.

„Please let me see my son. Only for two minutes. I ll give you whatever you want…“  
„Whatever I want? Carefull. Carefull how you talk to me, Rick.“  
When Rick had been really, really good for a week, Negan would sometimes let him watch a video of Carl on a camera. Only when he felt like it of course.  
Rick would allways cry and look behind the camera as if he expected his son standing there. Most of the time Negan would cuddle him after and comfort him. He knew it was hard on the man.

„Did I dream all of it maybe?“  
„I think so, Rick. It must be.“  
Negan stood at the window and looked down into the courtyard of the sanctuary.  
Dwight looked up to him and showed him a thumbs up. No walkers left in the area. Good. It wouldnt do for Rick to really see one. Would shatter everything.   
„I have the feeling I never quite woke up though.“  
„You ve been in a coma for a long time, Rick. Now we have to focus on you getting better.“  
He never said what getting better really meant.  
Rick could ask to go home as much as he wanted. Negan never gave in. 

Negan stood in the pharmacy area of the old hospital and checked over the supply of psychopharmaka. They had plenty left. They could go on like this for at least another year.

„It really is funny, isnt it?“  
„What is, Rick?“ Negan looked down on the man sitting at his feet, while he read to him.   
„That the head tries to remember what the heart forgot.“  
„Maybe it wasnt even there to begin with.“

Negan grinned as he went down to the two cells in the cellar.  
The two inmates being held there were kept under interesting circumstances. Dwight guarded them 24/7.  
Daryl Dixon hadnt moved from his place in the middle of the cell in half a year. The chains wouldnt allow it.  
Carl Grimes flinched and tried to hide in his corner of the cell whenever Negan appeared in the doorway. He had been trained to expect pain in Negans presence.  
„Sing for me, my little jailbird. Maybe daddy will hear you and come to rescue you finally.“  
Trained and obedient like a good soldier Carl knew what to expect when he couldnt deliever a song. Negans beatings were the only touch he received nowadays. He had learned to appreciate the pain. But the fear had stayed in his eye. From day one.

Today Negan felt indulgent. He dragged Carl and Daryl upstairs and placed them in a room with a glas window to Ricks cell. Only they could see Rick. Rick didnt even know that window even existed.  
Negan shaved Rick and made sure to look into Carls invisible eyes behind the window at all times. It wasnt quite clear who was being punished here, Rick or Carl.   
But when he saw Carls tears and heared his soundless whimpers he knew the joke was on Carl. 

The following days Carl was pliant and obedient. He would crawl over to Negan, hug him around the knees and beg with little whimpers and kittenkisses to Negans hand to see his father. When Negan was in a good mood he would comfort the wheeping boy, when he was in a bad mood he would just push him away and give him another beating.

„Has anybody asked to see them?“  
„No, sir. Not today. Not ever.“ Dwight looked down, closing himself off of the horrible things he was doing.

Carl wanted to touch the glas, bang against it and call for his father.  
He wasnt allowed to touch the glas between him and Rick. He had once, and the punishment had been horrible. And he couldnt call for him, even if he had been allowed to. Negan had cut out his tongue. Had done so also with Daryl.

„It really is a pitty I will never hear you sing again, little jailbird. But we cant have everything now, can we?“  
Carl hid his face in Negans shirt and cried.   
Of all punishments for all out war Carl had really gotten to bear the brunt of it. Because Carl, unlike all the other members of former Alexandria, wasnt drugged. He remembered. And one look into his eye showed Negan he remembered it all.   
Negan smiled and craddled the boy in his arms. „Thats what you get if you go to war against me.“


End file.
